Monthly Archives: May 2013

The Final Chapter

This is my farewell to Texas; I’m washing my hands of this state and writing my final testament here.  Many of the people I’ve met here in Texas have questioned my disdain for this state, so I find it only appropriate to finally open the windows and air-out all the fermented dissatisfaction.

It’s 88 fucking degrees here today, and it was in the 60’s last week.  Fuck you, Texas weather.  It’s a lie when people talk about the “dry heat” in the DFW area.  It’s as hot and humid as a sumo wrestler’s taint out there, and it’s not going to get better.  You people who keep denying this “global warming” conspiracy, opting for the “Liberal Media bias” argument – I hope you enjoy your denial while bursting into flames when you step outside to mow your lawn.  It’s hot as fuck out there.

“The economy in Texas is great!”  Bullshit.  I call huge bullshit on this one.  I’ll give you this; the economy is great in the way that there are an abundance of jobs if you don’t mind minimum wage and absolutely no checks-and-balances systems for employers.  Go read up on Texas Labor Laws, go read up on worker protection in Texas; prepare to eat shit if you’re even suspected of dissention in the eyes of your employer.  Yeah, jobs are great here if you have no aspirations of a living wage or job protection.  Also, while businesses enjoy some great incentives to grow here, look at the wages of the workers and the poverty rates among those workers.  How about utilizing some of those great incentives to help your citizens, or keeping up with your business code enforcement?  Anyway, enjoy it for now, Texas.  This shit is already starting to plateau as your population booms and innovation subsides.

Your politics suck.  I tried to keep an open mind, I really did, but when a former employer corners me the day after Obama’s reelection to explain to me that Obama is (no shit) just like Hitler for reasons A, B, and C – I just can’t deal with you anymore.  I saw a cowboy driving his truck the other day, proudly displaying a huge American flag on his window, next to it, a sticker demonizing the “Liberal Media”, next to the anti-Obama sticker.  Was he driving a Ford?  Nope.  How about a Chevy?  Nope.  He was driving a Nissan.  I might be crazy, but that just seems laughable to me, coming from such a patriot.  Texas wants to secede – let it (even though that wasn’t part of the Annexation – the more you know).  Rick Perry shits on Hurricane Sandy relief and asks for funding when suddenly Texas needs disaster relief.  That hypocrisy perfectly describes this state.  Someday, those of you who hold your best interests above all else, will die, and no one will give a shit.  You will have lived a pointless existence, and the rest of us will be happy to see you go.  Get with humanity, or get out of it.

You treat your animals like crap.  This is a nationwide issue, but I’ve rescued and re-rescued more dogs here than I ever have anywhere else.  You people couldn’t give a shit about another living creature, and you’re all the worse for it.  My own dog is a rescue, passed around the neighborhood when one family would get tired of him and just let him go.  If you don’t see why that’s a problem, then you’re an idiot.  I was attacked by a loose dog in my neighborhood last year, and do you know what the owner had to say?  “Well, he’s had his allergy shots, so you should be ok.  Oh, you’re really bleeding there…” I don’t give one fuck if your dog is tolerating ragweed better this year, he shouldn’t be out running around fucking biting people.  You’re lucky I’m not some little kid, or the parent of a child that the dog had bitten, otherwise you’d be enjoying the long-arm of any frothing attorney looking for a cake-case of negligence.  Quite honestly, the only reason I didn’t call the cops was because I didn’t want the dog put down.  It’s YOUR responsibility to take care of your animal, to make sure that he or she isn’t running around biting people – get it?  Probably not.

Now, I’ve covered a lot in this little blog of mine, but I’ve barely scratched the surface of this back-assward-state.  You would have to have lived here to understand, and I strongly suggest that you not make that move, at least not for the experience.  I have met a handful of good people here; I’ve met three Nick’s, a Dominic, a Cole, a Jim, an April, a Cyndi, a couple Daniel’s, a Patrick, a couple Michael’s, a Tara, and probably about five other people I didn’t see on my list of contacts.  You people have kept me sane, alongside my amazing wife, my crazy dog, and my generous, loving parents.  You folks deserve better than this, and many of you don’t even know it (or are somehow finding the good that I’ve lost here).  I’m going to miss you guys, and I’m sorry to so many of you that I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye to – you deserve better of me than that.  Just know that you folks gave me a break here, mostly from my anger and darker sense of self, and for that I’m forever grateful.  The rest of you though – get your shit together, ‘cause I’m not going to be here to call you on it anymore.  See you around, Texas, just one less “Liberal” to deal with.