I don’t believe the
“Liberal” media. I also don’t believe the “Conservative” media. I don’t believe the voices I hear while I shop for my groceries, or those that occupy the scrolls of my Facebook window. Most of these people are full of shit, and maybe I’m the guiltiest of them all. See, when I turn on my news in the morning, as I sit and watch the pundits argue over the “Fiscal Cliff” or pot, or who gets to eat the last sprinkle doughnut, I wonder why I do this to myself. I know why – because I am a morning pooper get off on watching people be manipulated. This probably sounds pretty strange, maybe a little cruel, but I’m just being honest here. I relish the thought that I am going to encounter herds of people throughout my day that will have watched the same news programs as I have, and will have absorbed every soundbite into their vocabulary to spew later on.
These pundits today, they really love making you care about shit that doesn’t fucking matter. Granted, some of it is actually pretty horrible (natural disasters, death tolls, climate change), but most of it lacks the gravity to actually be meaningful in your existence. The reason that people like John Stewart and Stephen Colbert are some of the most watched and trusted people in the world of pundits is the same reason that sometimes even assholes are well-liked: because they can honestly laugh at the sad state of affairs in our world. They are probably restricted in the sense that they are not allowed to slap their lying-fuck-politician guests in the face, or ask their celebrity guests when the sex tape is coming out, but they are allowed to mock the issues that make Americans so afraid.
Most of these other talking heads are pointless at best. There are a couple of exceptions, but most of them are truly spineless, and it’s easy to see why. Imagine waking up one morning, flipping on the news, and watching a drunken pundit talk about how the fear mongering in this country has reached epic proportions, admitting that they are a part of that machine, and promptly ripping off their lapel-mic and walking off stage. This would be an amazing thing to see, and might grant us a little clarity to at least acknowledge that the ticker/news scroll/brand insignia/diarrhea at the bottom of the screen is just distraction from the fact that this person reading off teleprompter will never tell you what they really think. If they did, you might find out that most of the news is just slow-building drama that is just shy of trash reality television.
Honestly, I’m no better than any of them – and that isn’t some self-loathing statement, but the truth. I am obviously writing about the same stupid bullshit that many Americans are, but maybe I’m even worse than most people, as I can acknowledge that I really could give a fuck if we go over the “Fiscal Cliff” or whatever. I’ll argue with people I barely know, simply because I get tired of hearing about the beauty of “fracking” or how awesome it is that we are run by a bunch of bigots who still can’t get over our black President. I’m just picking fights, all the while laughing in my head about how easy it was to drum up an argument from the guy in a Confederate flag hat. I must have guts, ’cause that guy clearly has a gun.